Attention: Mass-Tort Law Suit Against John Grisham

Attention, to the blogging community. This is a message to all readers out there - if you happened to read a semi-recent book of John Grisham called King of Torts, you may be in danger. Your life has officially gone down a few notches in the suck-factor. If you are an unfortunate victime of this, please call 1-800-PISS-OFF.

Now, normally I wouldn't review a book, simply because no one reads books anymore, sadly enough. However, when society is dumbing down as much as it is and then a renouned author publishes something this crappy, I feel the need to step in and declare the shittiness to the community as to prevent further dismay in the reading community.

Before I begin, let me explain what a tort-lawyer does. You know those TV-lawyers who say stuff like "if you are afflicted with this disease and you took X-drug, you might be eligible for compensation. This drug is very dangerous and has very harmful side effects, etc."? Well, that's basically what they do - run massive TV-ads and get thousands of clients and then use incriminating evidence to go up against drug-companies and get large settlements. These settlements, however, usually they rake 30-45% off the top, so they make hundreds of millions of dollars on these cases.

First of all, let me give a brief summary of this peice of absolute trash before I get any further. Well, the book is simply about a man named Clay Carter who works at the Office of the Public Defender who leads a very low-wage life and has a girlfriend who's parents are rich a-holes and they think he's trash because he makes low-wages. He gets an opportunity to represent a drug company under the table who made a major mistake and because of this, becomes a multimillionaire overnight. Then with his newly started law-firm, he delves into the world of mass-torts and ambulance chasing lawyership.

Let me say that first of all, lawyers that do mass-torts are assholes. That's not really helping anyone other than themselves and all their doing is putting a pock-mark on the entire profession - just asking people to label lawyers as "money-hungry jackasses."

Just for additional background - Clay Carter, when he originally delved into this world, was a nice man who did not wish to become a jet-owning millionaire because he didn't believe in this lifestyle. So what does he do 100 pages later? He buys a damned 30 million dollar jet. What a fricking sellout. I definitely do not empathize with this F-head when his life goes down the tubes at the end of the book.

Oh yes, and let me tell you that the ending is so shitty that I will spoil it without regret. Clay gets into this situation where he has about.. 30,000 clients for this one drug-case and he needs this individual laywer to win before he can get a settlement. The individual lawyer is taking names and kicking ass, not to mention destroying every witness the drug company brings up to the stand. And then guess what? The jury comes back and rules in favor of, FAKEOUT, the drug company. Therefore, Clay is f***ed in the A and he loses all of his money and declares bankruptcy. In case you're not getting this? The ending is a load of crap. There's no plausible way that this would happen and even if there was, this is not what you call a "twist-ending," this is what you call a "cop-out" ending. Come on Grisham, you can do better than that man..

The problem with this book is that when I was about halfway through it, there was no real conflict, it was just chronicalling Clay Carter's life of excess. If I wanted to hear something about shmucks spending millions of dollars on planes and squandering their fortunes (that were gained by insider trading), I would turn on the news and hear about insider trading there and Martha Stewart. But oh wait, I don't.

I have a message for Grisham and all the other "renouned" authors out there - please don't pump out shitty books. Appeal to the masses and write something actually worth reading. I know you have it in you. You can and should do it. Thank you.